Reversal

After only 6 months of semi peace, my world would get turned upside down yet again.  I picked my kids up on a Friday at the appointed time.  Only 3 hours later my 2 boys got into an altercation.  I had my wrist strapped up due to issues with it.  I had limited strength.  Now I went to punish both boys with a spanking (yes my house believed in it so no judgement).  My youngest was first and I pulled his pants down and spanked him, then my other son was next.  Only when I pulled his pants down I starred in horror and started screaming for my husband to come look.

His whole entire rear end was covered in different colored bruises.  Now while I believe in spanking I have limits and rules.  I never left any marks on my children what so ever, end of story.  I packed him up and immediately drove to my parents house…. I had to run the situation by them.  I knew how it would look if only 6 months after the end of the case where he drug me through court, I started accusing him and dragging him through court. While trying to keep my husband and my dad from heading out to beat my ex to a pulp, me and my mom agreed on how to handle the situation.

I headed to the closest ER.  I told them what I found , when it was found, and the circumstances that it was found in.  I also told them I refused to place blame on anyone due to the recent court battle, as I did not want anyone to confuse justice with retaliation.   I told them I wanted my son tested for the gene that causes easy bruising and if it was negative, then it was up to them to decide who had done this to my child.

Long story short, my ex ended up pleading guilty.  I was told that my son had been repeatedly spanked for getting up in the middle of the night to pee and missed the toilet, he was 5 yrs old.  No offense but that was not a spanking that was a beating, there is a difference.

My ex talked his way out of counseling, and at the end of his 3 yr probation got his full visitation rights back.  I let my children forget the events that lead to me having full custody.  I knew that the remainder  of the time before the kids turned 18 would be hell as he was never going to let up, yet at the same time I was hoping that like me he could choose to be a parent and let go of his tirade to make my life miserable.

New Marriage

Our marriage was never blessed with the honeymoon period.  Thanks to the interference of my ex and/or his family.

Not long (less than 6 months) after we were married I was drug into court.  Someone had made accusations that my husband was doing terrible things to one of my children.

Now do not think that I was the naive mother with the attitude that this would never happen.  We all have seen the news on how it can happen and the mother would never know.  It was a very emotional roller coaster that I went on.  While trying to hold on to the thought that there was no way that the man I loved would ever do this, I held in the back of my mind “what if I am wrong”.   While the facts of the situation were coming to light, it became quickly clear that he did not do anything.  Also it came out that due to the fact that I had wrote the divorce papers in a way that prevented child support (on either side) because we were supposed to split the cost of raising the kids (which I did), my ex wanted money since i bought clothes and sent them, bought school supplies, and anything else they needed, he never saw any money directly as at the time of separation he would throw money away on anything he wanted.

This whole process took over a year.  During that time my ex (or who ever started it) was not happy that it was taking so long, so they made more accusations that supposedly had just occurred.  This time my husband was no where near the area they proclaimed, he was over 4 hours away at work.  Although  seemingly a turning point it did not turn around right away.  First I had to endure a few more months of hell, due to the fact of how our attorney situation had taken a turn and the judge did not care that we had a cop and a social worker on our side.

While waiting on court dates we found out that one county’s social worker found him guilty due to a chart.  The chart gave numbers for things like was mother/step father adopted, any criminal background issues, etc…. the fact that I had been adopted as a toddler, my husband had a couple of DUI charges from a couple of years before we met, I had a domestic deferment from when me and my ex were together, she determined he must be guilty.  We  ended up filing an appeal due to this person’s method of evaluation, she did no interviews.

When the court date arrived, we had gotten her report removed, and another county’s cop and social worker showed up to help us out.  We finally won!  Over a year of battling and a couple of thousand dollars later.  This was not the end… only the beginning of the things to come………

Round 2

I met a man who held the same values and ideals as I did, but acted and reacted completely opposite of me.  Several people said we would fail, but we did have many people rooting for us.

After we met my own family started to come around and realized they had been told lies.  I moved back with my parents, but it was more temporary than we realized.  This was around Thanksgiving, and I was looking forward to having my kids for Christmas.  After just a couple of weeks with my parents it was clear that having the kids there was not going to work for them.  It is not that they didn’t want them or that they didn’t love them,  it is the fact that my parents are really my grandparents and with my father’s PTSD the disruptions for more than a couple of days was not a reality.  They could handle a couple of days but not 2.5 weeks that I wanted.

My new man knew all about this and even though only together only a short time, offered his home so that I could have the visit that I wanted.  The offer was till good even after he was told that my parents would not let me back in there home if I lived with him for that long a time.

Christmas visitation went wonderful.  My man’s family was even super supportive.  In a year’s time I got pregnant, engaged, divorced and remarried.  Yes in that order.  My man and his family accepted me and my children as a part of the family.  This meant the world for me.  I felt as if my life was finally going to go as it should, despite the way that it started…My kids loved the man I married and he loved them as much as he loved the son I had just given birth to.